1. When I was a child I cried when I watched Marley and me for the first time. When I was 9, I danced with my crush on a school party to Carly Rae Jepsen’s Call me maybe. The biggest creative drive and curiosity, I’ve felt while playing Minecraft. I felt excitation and a thrill while watching herobrine conspiracy theories on YouTube. I felt pure bliss when I got myself new fc barcelona tshirt or a new star wars lego set. When I was in high school I was crying over my breakup in Ubers while listening to Nights by Frank Ocean. Those were my moments of true feelings. Moments nobody knows about, moments that belong to eternity. Moments, that cannot be understood without understanding the material reality and actual problems they arise from. The intersection of mundane and spiritual. In eternity there is Marley and me, call me maybe, herobrine, instagram and lego sets. 
 2. I didn’t cry when I watched Shakespeare’s plays, I didn’t cry when I listened to Beethoven’s symphonies, I didn’t have spiritual awakenings in nature. I’ve spent my life surrounded by pop, living from inside of my room. My feelings were true, genuine. Even though I’ve heard so much from grown ups that: video games are bad. Cartoons are silly. Pop and rap is not real music and that im just wasting my brain away. But to me consuming those artforms were the moments of pure, deep emotionality, equal to Kant’s famous reading of Hume that woke him up from a dogmatic slumber. Those moments equally belong in eternity. 
 3. I think its interesting how in eternity there exist works of Hume, Shakespeare, or Beethoven, but also nature, YouTube videos, Instagram posts, or material objects, like a pair of earrings we gave to an ex girlfriend? How is it that those very unnatural to us, historically-specific phenomena can be tied so intrinsically to our feelings that they’re as direct and as literal as hunger or pain? That we genuinely cry when we don’t get enough likes under our post or we don’t get a follow back from our crush; just as other people throughout history cried because of poverty, heartbreak, or injustice. This is exactly what interests me: how this common to everybody emotionality disguises itself in those very historically-specific forms; what those forms are and why is it those? (For example: How the common human drive to self-harm actualized itself through candles 400 years ago and through razors today. Why was it candles back then and why is it razors now?). 
 4. I like to look at eternity in exactly this historic, collection-like way: what concrete, material objects, forms and phenomena exist in eternity for an individual and how have they changed throughout history? Like the combination of my moments: crying to frank ocean, watching Marley and me, falling asleep to gta gameplays, trapping to gunna, and kissing to Katy Perry. What would be „the equivalents” for a person 400 years ago? Like for example: receiving a block of cheese from a loved one in middle ages probably triggered a similar emotion as receiving flowers now. Or being randomly followed by someone cute on instagram is an equivalent of a pretty girl smiling to you on the street in XIX’th century. Those common emotional states actualize themselves differently in different times but in eternity theres collectively both blocks of cheese and flowers, candles and razors, and girls and instagram. 
 5. This installation is an homage to those forms that made me cry, or moved me in general. Youtube documentaries, gameplays, instagram posts, accounts, prank videos and trolling. Its a collection of my moments, a showcase of them. Its my way of processing the trauma of always feeling judged for playing video games. The trauma of feeling complete dismissal of my experience of watching YouTube. The trauma making me ashamed of listening to Macklemore and Lady Gaga. The trauma going so deep that I had to consciously unlearn thinking in that way about pop culture. 
 6. However this project is part of a larger research: imitation as an art form and problems which arise within this practice. With this research I want imitate those forms I’ve been surrounded with as a collection. Its a performative task of creating rather a repertoire than an individual work. This is also why I chose this format for presenting: an installation, a showcase. 
 7. I want to be honest and thorough with imitating those forms. I want to be fully believable inside the work. I don’t want to break out of it on the level of a form itself, by distorting it or 
 something like that, but rather on the level of the material, content, themes within, or by juxtaposing this single work with the whole repertoire. 8. I’ve always felt this massive creative drive which was mostly mimetic, imitative in its nature - 
that’s why i’m choosing this approach. The way it has always worked for me, was like that: I see, or listen to something that I like, and then I want to do something just like that, (but my own version). At first, this my version, I did it accidentally, as my conscious goal was to imitate perfectly. I was really mad about that I couldn’t stick to this perfect imitation. That you still could mostly hear me, Michal and not what I was trying to imitate. 
 9. Like, I would take a form that inspired me, for example a Playboi Carti type beat and then (accidentally) mix it with forms and techniques that I already knew from before, like drill drum patterns, or a boom bap samples, in this way creating a collage, remix, that is true only to myself. A mashup made out of my personal passions and obsessions. Now I understand, I’ve always been a bricoleur in this sense. I was always good at juxtaposing bigger elements together, rather than creating new ones from scratch. Even though I struggled with this fact, now this is a method, a solution to a problem, I’m consciously choosing - this juxtaposition of commercial forms like an instagram account, gta v gameplay and yt documentary with my own personal, deeply emotional elements. 
 10. As choosing to imitate is a problematic task. Those forms often are harmful, or support toxic narratives. It’s a problem that I think many trap artists struggle with, or at least I struggled with. Trying to fit in a form that you’re alien to, means accepting all the toxic residue it has on itself. Like for example: rappers like vkie, who, from his lyrics, you can hear is a poet, he uses rap to express himself, tell what is problematic to him, what he struggles with, but because of how was he socially conditioned, he makes „very historically-specific” trap and he disguises his real emotionality in sexism, toxicity and hatefullness that come with the genre. My solution to that would be re-claiming trap. 
 11. And this is my main question for this project. How do deal with that? Knowing that what you want to do is problematic? That your pure emotional need of creating may be toxic, or even evil? 
 12. Like for example consumerism, a drive to make trap, the need to be popular and validated through Instagram. I feel like the obvious solution to that is denial. Running away. Like for example with consumerism in my case. I love clothes. I’ve always secretly loved to buy myself new shoes, jackets, shirts, t-shirts, etc. Ive always loved the feeling of putting them on and feeling sexy and seen. This consumerist need has always been deep inside of me. And I’ve hated myself for so long for that. For something I’m not even responsible for in the end. 
 13. I also really hated the solution some of my leftist, communist friends chose, which is: dress like you don’t care, don’t spend money on clothes. I tried that, but I felt like I was killing some very deep part of myself. Some part of myself that I actually sympathized with. That I felt sorry for putting in this position for so many years. Then I realized this is exactly the solution. Its not our fault that we were born in times of gap, lego, Katy Perry, YouTube, Minecraft, or Soulja boy. On the contrary. We should embrace that, however try to find ways to do that without supporting the system and toxicity. Like trading clothes, or re-claiming trap, how it now happens with for example nerd trap. Or this instagram account. I believe this to be some kind of a solution. Im still feeding into this maybe superficial need of getting validation, likes, etc on instagram, and I still maintain the characteristics of instagram, however because of the journal like format, the deep emotionality that is not really wanted by algorithms I think it is powerful. Im not saying it is fighting the system this ambiguity is something I want to explore further. Re- claiming instagram 
 14. Non-binary solutions: just as with buying clothes (materiality, consumerism) but in a non-toxic way - my instagram account. Finding 
 15. I feel like this is also connected to this historic approach at looking at eternity. How many of those creative people exist that are completely self-taught? They have this innate creativity that actualizes itself through social conditions. Like the fact that Robson26 decided to rap and not do rock or jazz. How historically privileged his choice was? He could have chosen for 
 example poetry. But this is what I mean by this multi-linguality - expressing yourself through already existent forms (so deep in the chain of signifiers that you can use those forms without caring about their „presupposed essence”); its always an appropriation of what you want to achieve. • • •
• Later when I came to know Kashiwagi more intimately, I understood that he disliked lasting beauty. His likings were limited to things such as music, which vanished instantly, or flower arrangements, which faded in a matter of days; he loathed architecture and literature. Clearly he would never think of visiting the Golden Temple except on a moonlit night like this.
 Yet how strange a thing is the beauty of music! The brief beauty that the player brings into being transforms a given period of time into pure continuance; it is certain never to be repeated; like the existence of dayflies and other such short-lived creatures, beauty is a perfect abstraction and creation of life itself. Nothing is so similar to life as music; yet, although the Golden Temple shared the same type of beauty, nothing could have been farther from the world and more scornful of it than the beauty of this building. As soon as Kashiwagi had finished playing the "Palace Carriage,” music - that imaginary life - expired, and nothing was left there but his ugly body with its gloomy thoughts, all unscathed and unaltered. I relate with vkie and robson26 on the level of being a self taught artist (through internet and yt tutorials) in the XXIst century 16. I travelled whole worlds on peaceful in Minecraft. Ive been a nomad Fausto Romitelli - „Ever since I was born, I have been immersed in digitalized images, synthetic sounds, artifacts. Artificial, distorted, filtered - this is the nature of the man today” ”No, Steppenwolf, not fame. Has that any value? And do you think that all true and real men have been famous and known to posterity?” "No, of course not." "Then it isn't fame. Fame exists in that sense only for the schoolmasters. No, it isn't fame. It is what I call eternity. The pious call it the kingdom of God. I say to myself: all we who ask too much and have a dimension too many could not contrive to live at all if there were not another air to breathe outside the air of this world, if there were not eternity at the back of time; and this is the kingdom of truth. The music of Mozart belongs there and the poetry of your great poets. The saints, too, belong there, who have worked wonders and suffered martyrdom and given a great example to men. But the image of every true act, the strength of every true feeling, belongs to eternity just as much, even though no one knows of it or sees it or records it or hands it down to posterity. In eternity there is no posterity." Questions
- Imitation as an art form - recreating situations? How far can you go with that?
- Expressing yourself through already existent forms (deep emotionality and technology / internet / pop culture) multi-linguality
- Toxic needs - non-binary solutions I always was good at imitating. I could do one good beat in any genre. But just one. Sticking to commercial forms. How to do that without actually supporting the system, or toxicity? Couple of years ago, after I was re-reading steppenwolf for the n-th time and stumbling upon this fragment, i’ve created this aesthetic ontology in my head, that I extended to a complete ontology. For a long time I haven’t verbalized it: when it comes to ontological status of a masterpiece, it’s not really an artwork that is the masterpiece, at least not actually. The masterpiece is the virtual shadow it produces on a consciousness. Its the emotional effect it has. The beautiful emotion, the moment when you read a book, or listen to a song and you cry is what is the masterpiece, or rather a memory of it. Those commercial, often belittled forms are a trigger for this emotion. (This true emotion. Thats emotionally why I do this project, I want to imitate those emotions (here’s another followup question when it comes to imitating: will I just continuously recreate those emotions, without creating new?)) Not Bach’s fuges, Proust’s novels, or Shakespeare’s dramas. Finding yourself through already existent forms (that may be toxic). Like in a new language. You cannot really express yourself fully, so you use specific forms as an approximation. Like vkie, he is a poet, emotional, however because of his background, he has to do that through trap and toxicity. And you can hear that he is struggling, and his way of therapy, or self-medicating is creativity and self-expression through art, but by the way he is socially conditioned, he has to do that through trap. Do i have to as an artist, break out of those forms? Cant I just use them, imitate them completely and achieve this breaking out of the form by a broader look on my artworks as a collection, or by a broader context in general? That its weird that I do YouTube documentaries about Robson26 in an academic setting. Or my outfits, wearing bape hoodie and having extreme social anxiety (kbeazy). I want to seem serious, or maybe even be serious when im doing it. This connects to my thoughts that I struggle with the fact that, if you’re showing something that has toxic content, you have to condemn it within your artwork. You, as an artist need to step out of your piece and put a disclaimer „don’t worry audience, I don’t think that. You see, in the end this behavior is being condemned so you can see that I don’t support it!”. I think I struggle with the fact that this fundamentally limits your freedom as an artist. Maybe it actually is necessary, because at some point you as an artist loose rights to your artwork, as it can be reinterpreted continuously in ways that you didn’t mean, but I’m still kinda mad about it. My point is, you cannot imitate nothing actually. Or maybe I cant. No matter how hard I tried to make a perfect Playboi Carti type beat I never managed to. There was always Michal in it. At first I hated that myself and the fact that I couldn’t imitate the form completely, but now I understand that this exact part I hated is the one that matters.
This is also how I understand Baudrillard’s definition of the second order simulacra. That through an inability to imitate, you actually create a new quality. Like a famous example of a drum machine: Roland 808. It was made to imitate an actual drum kit; it didn’t achieve that. But it created completely new genres, new sound. Also famous example of drum machines and rhizomatic thinking. Detournement
Baurdillard’s idea of a simulacrum vs Deleuze’s idea of a simulacrum
Copy of a copy vs copy that has lost resemblance
Deteriterritorialasation as opening up new virtual planes, new families of possibilities. My creative process / questions encountered during this process:
So my project is to create
- i always wanted to imitate. The way I always felt the creative drive the strongest was when I heard, or saw something and I was like: „I want to do something like it” -  Creation through imitation 
 -  Multi-linguality - the ability I have to express yourself through different already existent forms 
VKIE 
 -  Should I break out of these forms? As they are toxic and evil 
 -  Instagram moj i vkie -> deep emotionality through technology, internet, trap etc. 
- can I imitate, use the commercial forms (they are often evil, like pranks, trolling, instagram) without breaking out of the forms I want to imitate. 
Can jokes bring down government 
Fausto Romitelli cytat - deep emotionality and toxic technologie, formy ktore dla nas sa bliższe niż piękne symfonie Beethovena czy natura 
(When I talk here about a need that is toxic this is a kind of parallel to this need of making trap songs, or staying in one genre idk how to call it now but I know what I mean)
This project is maybe about finding a line between using those forms and knowing they are toxic. This connects to my thoughts on materialism / commercialism. We all have this drive. I for one do for sure. I know commercialism is bad, but I love to buy myself designer items. I have a real drive towards that, a real emotional baggage connected to that. I know I was programmed to do so, but I see two ways of solving that: 1. complete repression: not buying anything, living outside the system. I feel thats a bit binary, too much of a simple solution, and also by now, I feel like we know binaries are problematic. 2. finding a way of fulfilling this need, but in ways that are not toxic, that maybe don’t support system that much. Like buying vintage designer items from private resellers. 
I feel like this is also why I chose to imitate those forms on some level. I feel like breaking out of those forms is a simple solution.